Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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