To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
