Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
