Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
