my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
