so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
