dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
