Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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