Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
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