8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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