Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
