please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
