So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
