is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
