good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
