So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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