Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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