Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
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