Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
