i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
