just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Dick very happy bro
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
