even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Randomize
