Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
