I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
