if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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