The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
