i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I don't think brook has ever known best
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
