You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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