it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
He better not be in your backpack
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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