Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
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