Whoa Z and x make the same sound
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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