youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Randomize
