I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
