My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
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