i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Randomize
