I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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