walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
