Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
You know, be my cock's hype man.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Randomize
