We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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