you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize