After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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