you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize