I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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