Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
