Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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