You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
