thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
