If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
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