Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
