I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
