K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
