dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
