I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
