Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize