Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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