had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
