god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
