i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Randomize
