Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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