So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Randomize
