She is in my trunk
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
We left the knife in your bed.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
