I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Bang-toberfest begins!!
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
