I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
