Hey man sorry I got all grabby
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
