i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
