In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
