you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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