I'm lost and stupid without you.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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