I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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