i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Randomize
