Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
