I'm going to rape someone's good day.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
