So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
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