Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
